so stand in the rain;

[wingborne]

Summary: A story about Kaoru stealing a moment with his brother's girlfriend.



There was a thunderstorm.

“There’s only one cookie left. We’ll have to tell milord to buy more the next time he goes to the commoner’s supermarket,” Hikaru said, in a bad mood. Kaoru could tell when his brother grew slightly gloomy by the darkening of his eyes and his reluctance to be soothed by any nice words.

“You can have it,” Kaoru said.

“We can split it,” Hikaru said.

“It’s too small for that,” Kaoru said. “Did you call Haruhi?”

“She didn’t pick up her phone.”

Oh. Kaoru nodded to himself. This was why Hikaru was in such a bad mood. Hikaru caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and leaned towards Kaoru.

“Why are you so smug?” he asked sulkily, stretching a side of Kaoru’s cheek like a child.

“Noffing, noffing,” Kaoru said, waving him off while rubbing his cheek. “I left my math notebook at school, so I’m going to go and get it.”

“You can borrow mine,” Hikaru said, even more petulantly. He was not in a mood to be alone, either. Kaoru smiled, and patted his older brother’s head fondly. Hikaru was sometimes so delicate.

“No, it had my papers in it,” he said, picking out an umbrella.

“Then I’ll go with you.”

“Stay here and try and call Haruhi,” Kaoru scolded, as there was a grumble in the sky, followed by a flash of bright light. He looked outside. “She must be scared right now.”

“Should I go to her house?”

“You’re her boyfriend,” he said, sticking out his tongue, before he walked out of the room.

--

Partially soaked from the heavy rainfall, Kaoru stepped into the warmth of the school with grace. The lights were off, however, and it created a gloomy air, but at least it was dry. Shaking off his umbrella, he wandered down the halls, as the sky continued to groan above.

He could see why Haruhi would find thunderstorms frightening.

He wondered if Hikaru was with her at the moment, and there was a small tug on his heart.

Not that he was jealous! After all, he loved his brother, and Haruhi deserved him. But when he thought of her sharp eyes, her warm smile, the way she blushed . . .

He tightened his grip on his umbrella and flung away those thoughts. They were dating, and that was proper, he thought to himself firmly. And it was his choice, of all things. He wouldn’t have been able to date Haruhi if he knew that his brother loved her so much. That was how things were.

After all, he thought, it wasn’t like he was some love martyr. There would be more girls in the future. Just none like Haruhi.

He opened the door to the classroom.

The sky grumbled, as if it was trying to perform a painful action. It revebrated in the walls, and Kaoru looked outside briefly.

But he liked her too.

Scolding himself fervently, he told himself that Haruhi wasn’t like a cookie they could share, and her brother loved her as well, and they were happy, what were these thoughts. With a brief sigh, he wandered to his desk and scrounged inside until he found the notebook. But at the next flash of light, he heard a squeak.

He looked down at the floor, expecting to see a mouse, but only saw two large brown eyes staring back at him.

The sky moaned ominously.

“Haruhi? What are you doing down there?” Kaoru still held the notebook in his hands, trying to puzzle out this occurence. Had he conjured her up from his mind?

“No-nothing! I just dropped my contact lenses.”

“But the school’s not even open—“

“It’s hard to find them in the dark.”

She gave a bright smile, one too fake for such a pretty face. He sympathetically put down his notebook and reached inside his pocket for his cell phone, to call Hikaru.

“So what are you doing here—“

There was a flash of thunder, this time immediately accompanied with the growl of the sky.

“—Hikaru?”

The light quickly faded, leaving him with a shocked look on his face. He stared down at Haruhi, still hiding beneath her desk, with her hands clamped over her ears and scrunched away at the sound of thunder.

He gripped his cell phone tightly.

“I’m not—“

“I-I’m sorry, Hikaru. Did you forget something at school? Then you can go now. Really. I’ll be fine. I’m sorry for disturbing you.”

He took his hand out of his pocket.

The thunderstorm must be addling her, he thought. He should call Hikaru. And tell her Haruhi that he wasn’t Hikaru. After all, he wasn’t supposed to be there. This wasn’t his place. Being here with her was too selfish, and it hurt to think of his brother.

But he found himself on the floor next to her, silent.

“. . . Hikaru?”

But she whimpered as another shock of lightning came from the window.

“Is your dad home?” He took his jacket off and put it over her head, like he had heard Hikaru had done with a tablecloth. Then he gripped her tightly in a type of hug, guilt seeping into his heart. He shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be doing this.

“On a business trip,” she said.

“What sort of business trips does his type of bar have . . . ?”

“I didn’t want to know.”

With the next growl from the dark clouds, she nearly sprang into him, pressing her face against his shoulder. She was warm and small, and he held her gently. Looking down, he saw his hands lightly on her back. Hikaru should be here, he thought. Hikaru should be doing this.

He pressed her into a sudden, violent hug.

“Hikaru?”

“Don’t be scared,” he said. “I’ll protect you.”

She breathed heavily for a while, and they sat together underneath the desk. For every lightning strike, she gripped him tighter and leaned into his shoulder, and then released him when it was over. Against her warmth, he felt content, even as the guilty thoughts ran through his head.

He shouldn’t be so selfish.

“Is your cell phone on?” he asked.

“I left it at home,” she said. “I thought I would just go home after that. But then . . . “

She gave a small cry at the next thunder, and was grabbing at his shoulder now. He wanted to do this forever, in this small hug, in a cramped location. He shouldn’t be so selfish. He shouldn’t.

I’m sorry, Hikaru. Please let me have this one, selfish moment.

He put his hands over her ears, and she looked up at him, questioningly. Gripping tightly, he pulled their heads together until their foreheads touched, and he could smell her. She smelled smart, he thought, something like flowers. And he could feel her breathing, heavy and jagged.

She flinched at the next thunder, putting her own hands over his. The jacket hid them from sight. Her hands were small, soft and warm.

“Haruhi,” he said. “I love you.”

Even if she couldn’t hear him, she could see his lips and her eyes widened as they stared into his. Then, gently, he leaned forward to press a chaste kiss on her lips. They were as soft as he always imagined them to be.

The thunder came and went without notice.

He slowly removed himself from her, and he looked away, shamed.

She stared at him, confused.

It was as if she could see through him, and he flushed, as if caught in a naughty act. Hikaru—She loved Hikaru, and Hikaru loved her—and there was no him in the equation, and—

His hands were trembling. The guilt rode upon him, like crashing waves, heavier than the rainfall that shattered the outside world. With a small gasp, he removed his hands from Haruhi like they were burning.

“Hikaru?”

He gritted his teeth. There was only rainfall now, the thundering seemingly over. He pressed his head against his knees in the small space, his feet still beside Haruhi. When the guilt seemed to drown him, he gagged and pressed his hand over his mouth. He stumbled away, whisking his notebook away as he wildly ran from the room.

--

“What’s wrong?”

Hikaru sat on the couch, his legs crossed arrogantly, arms spread on the couch’s edges. Kaoru distractedly looked from the window.

“I’m fine.”

“You can’t lie to me,” Hikaru said, swiftly taking Kaoru’s chin in his hand. He tilted it upward and stared into his eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Hi-Hikaru . . . “ Kaoru said, with an almost moan to his voice. Across from them, the girls clung onto each other with loud squealing, staring at the spectacle before them. But Kaoru could tell that Hikaru really did mean most of it.

“It’s just—“

“Good morning.”

They both looked up to see Haruhi standing behind the couch.

“Haruhi,” Hikaru said, immediately brightening. “I couldn’t reach you on the—“

Last night. Kaoru suddenly lunged for Hikaru, reversing the role of the attacker accidentally when he landed on top of him.

“A-ah, I’m sorry, I tripped,” he said, and the girls barely suppressed their happiness in whimperings.

“Kaoru,” Hikaru said, “Don’t be jealous. You’ll always have a place in my heart, too.”

Kaoru opened his mouth to give a proper response when he felt something heavy land on his head.

His jacket.

“You left it,” Haruhi said.

Kaoru looked up, paling and panicking. He opened his mouth, but found no words. No, Haruhi, he—but he didn’t have any excuses. Shame. This was all so shameful. His brother would never forgive him—he could never forgive himself—

“It’s okay,” she said, “to be selfish sometimes.”

She walked away.

“Selfish? What’s she talking about?” Hikaru mused softly, leaning back to watch her fading form.

Kaoru flushed, but folded the secret deep inside him, where it would keep him warm for years to come.

-8/19/08